Zoned 1

One of the first workshops I shadowed was with a Dj called Jedhi. The group we were teaching were really young, 5-8 yr olds and the demographic, African and Jamaican dissent. The session was based around djing and I taught the scratching side as the first part. The music leader I was shadowing decided to flip the script. He thought it would be ‘cool’ to let the kids have a jamming session and just dance. I was like…seriously? My assumption was that they would just go all shy not want to get involved. I was wrong and little did I know that there was so much soul in this group of kiddie winks. To back track a little, when I was teaching the scratching…errrr, it was a flipping nightmare. The most basic scratch is the baby scratch – you move ya little hand back and forth…simple.

Ok, they got that…Il give em that…but could they follow a patten? or scratch to a beat?…err no. I tried to teach a few of them, and then gave up. One particular kid I remember had a huge head of dreads and the simple instruction of F-O-L-L-O-W the P-A-T-T-E-R-N meant to him…move the record back and forth and run on the spot while doing it. Lil peanut.

So from this my thinking was, they aint gona dance. They will either start fighting or crying. The workshop leader put on the instrumental version of Nas – If I Ruled the World and the kids went all Bugsy Malone ever seen it? The flic is loosely based on events in Chicago from the early 1920s to 1931 and it focuses on exploits of gangsters like Al Capone and Bugs Moran. It was a child only cast but all their mannerisms were of adults.

The beat kicked in and the group of youngs all started dancing perfectly in time with ‘grown up’ mannerisms. They danced with so much groove and funk it was just weird as they were so little. I was looking at a group of wide eyed kids who had more feel and groove to their dance than most nightclubs goers I have djayed to in all my time djing. Prior to this the group were pretty well behaved but they were kids so they were also extremely hyper. All they needed was a Hiphop beat and bang they were hypnotised. It looked like the cover of Camp Lo – Uptown Saturday Night. They were lost in the funk baby and music got them there.

For Zoned 2 you will meet Trenchcoat Terry Make sure ya tune in.

I was recently at a gig where a friend of mine was djing. I was perched by the dance-floor watching people and musing on how completely odd it is that we dance. This particular crowd were pretty much all dancing out of time. Some perfectly out of time, it was like a room full of pendulum clocks all swinging at different measures.

These reflections were brashly interrupted by someone who looked like a member of a neo-nazis punk band and he wanted to pull out the chair I was sitting on…while I was sitting on it. I moved and gave him the chair as he was the size of a rhino. I relocated on a new seat and ‘Herr Rhino’ decided he wanted the current chair I was sitting on and while trying to eject me out of it he asked repeatedly me why I wasn’t smiling. Some people canny handle their booze.

Hold on one minute…umm I think this dude is related to…

…my ‘precious’ indeed.

So back to the dance thing. It is a weird reaction we have to sounds and rhythms and how we move our bodies in a range of syncopated jerks and sways.

Here is what the ‘oracle’ had to say bout it:

‘Dance is a type of art that generally refers to movement of the body, usually rhythmic and to music performed in many different cultures and used as a form of  expression, social interaction or presented in a spiritual or performance setting. Dance may also be regarded as a form of nonverbal communication between humans and is also performed by other animals (bee, patterns of behaviour such as a mating dance). Gymnastics, figure skating and synchronised swimming and sports that incorporate dance, while martial arts are often compared to dances.’

Through djing I have seen how many different people groups interact with music…and yes I am painting in broad strokes here.

In Sweden the guys surprisingly dance first and the ladies follow.

In France the crowds like to get loose. All in!

In Spain they wanted a party, go nuts…and give the dj a bullet if you are any good.

In Holland the party starts about 3am and they dance hard.

When I played in China the resident dj told me that the crowds were still getting used to dance music and weren’t sure about how to dance to certain styles like Drum and Bass….so I played Drum and Bass

Evey music style has it moves. In Trance you throw your hands in the air for the euphoric ride, in Reggae, Ska, Dubstep and Drum and Bass you skank and for the latter brock out, Rock you mosh, Bashment you wind and Hiphop you throw down. We all have our thing and our preference and I have seen and experienced all of them but moshing is gotta be one of the coolest. I saw moshing first hand at a Cannibal Corpse gig in San Diego.

A guy I was visiting got tickets and urged me to go (Mr Henshaw wah up son!) I was up in a balcony well out of the way of the madness that was about to ensue. The support band were finishing and a girl covered in tattoos who was standing next to me said ‘iss gona go crazy now.’ Once Cannibal Corpse started their first track, 60% of the crowd – 400 people, started to mosh. People just slammed, bumped and jumped into and onto each other to the backdrop of demonic murmurs. It was bonkers and Mr Henshaw was in the mix. He loved it and it was his way of ‘getting down.’ He left the jam with a limp…but he looked happy.

Dancing can be a way of relieving aggression and the case for Hiphop, the dance is linked with battling.

I usually hate going to Hiphop nights as it can end up being loadsa lads standing around sometimes nodding their heads and too often analyzing snare drums. If people do dance it is interrupted by bboys creating a circle and everyone watching just them. I havnt ever battled but I had my own little encounter recently.

I went to a Hiphop night with some mates…they like to get down and make shapes or some ish so they dragged Uncle Fester to a Hiphop night for some ‘fun.’

We did have a lot of fun but what was interesting is how people respond to dance and how battling even in a club is part of Hiphop.

My friends were dancing on the upper floor of the club. I decided to go and get my jacket to save time at the end. This is the club…

this is me at the club…

…and this got me completely lost in the club. Jokes, jokes I don’t need any help getting lost.

Lost and not bothered I just chilled downstairs. I found a corner and soaked up the vibe and I think I did…err like one body popping move…and this home girl and her homie made a B line for me. She handed her handbag to her mate and did a range of vaguely ‘Hiphop related’ moves as a challenge to me. I think I burst out laughing (in a friendly way) and tried to edge out of it…’this aint Beat Street honey bunch…’

…she wasnt having any of it and pretty much demanded a response. I gave her some of what I had left in my reserves and after a while she left. I found my way to the cloak room, found my mates….and then came pt 2.

As we were leaving one of my mates who is more than proficient dancer did some popping. I lovingly did a mock copy of him in jest…and out of the woodwork comes battle mistress number two.

This is actually a picture of her from the night. The wonder of the internet hey…and yeh she had a head like an acid house badge. Acid house saw me and stood a gnats ball from my face while doing some lets say intense battling. I was lost for words and my moves were done out of shock. They comprised of a ‘speak to the hand’ move, ‘pretend slap to her face’ move and then I did a body pop fart at her as my ‘finale.’ She was a good sport and didn’t kick me in the balls or throw her drink in my face.

So the moral is get ya swerve on, it is good fo yo soul and ‘fun.’ My favourite is jumpin outta the shower, wacking on my Calvins and dancing to some 80s new romantic. Yeha baby. phhhhffffffffffffffffffff

So whether you like your Samba…

Reggae…

Funk…

Hiphop…

Rock…

Trance…

…get ya swerve on! Failing that you could go see some dance. In post way back (http://www.moyma.co.uk/site/2011/08/hiphop-dance-poppin/)  you may remember these two. You can check em on twitter @wechtie & @HSharpy.

They are the hardest working heads in the dance world right now and have been organising a ton of dance for the International Dance Festival which will be on for the next 3 weeks. I went to see the Royal Ballet Flanders which was bizarre on so many levels but the lighting and old man who shouted random stuff on stage through a megaphone was cool. I also saw Louise Lecavlier’s ‘Children & A Few Minutes of Lock.’ That was also quite weird but Louise Lecavalier dances like she is in her 20s even through she is in her 50s which was inspiring to see and you have to see it to believe it.

If you want more info please hit the link below.

Party on, hadouken and yoga flame.

Following on form last week: http://www.moyma.co.uk/site/2012/04/quick-fire-interview-dubbledge/ Please check the vid below and then enjoy Quick Fire with producer of ‘Eyeseeyou’ – Metabeats.

How did the EyeSeeYou Track come about…how did you end up writing the beat?

It kinda worked in the conventional way of sending the rapper the beat but this beat in particular I had to re-create. I got super high and switched the sampler off! I was chilling with my friend whilst knocking the beat up, and I guess I was caught in conversation and just did myself a mischief ha. So I acted quickly, re-made it straight away whilst it was all still in my head. So this beat could of been non-existent.

How did the connect with Dubbledge come about?

I was put on to him by Mayor showing me some of his work he had done with foreign beggars/and solo work. Personally for me, edge is the best rapper to come from these shores over the last 10 years. It’s more how he delivers the words he is saying that makes it work for me, and his voice. He just happens to say some amazing shit to go with them too. We also got another track for the record that you will be hearing real soon.

How would you describe your music?

Proto-jazzanova.

What was your first exposure to Hiphop?

When my brother brought home 36 Chambers and Cypress Hill Black Sunday. Before that it was just Hammer and his parachute pants.

Who got you into production?

I kinda got myself in to production along with some friends from listening to Rza/Premo and Jay Dee (Dilla) in about 2001. I wanted to know how to chop up old records and put them on to a beat so we could all then rap on them, cos i used to rap too.

What do you class as ‘good’ Hiphop production?

I look for originality and more importantly soul. When i say soul though it doesn’t have to have a soul sample in it, it just has to have that element from the producers soul. Not like a lot of the stuff I hear around now with the 808′s. 808′s are dope but people rely on them now and think a little noise on top can suffice…not for me.

What is the main inspiration for your music?

I find that I make the best music when I’m vibing with friends and just enjoying it. Not when I put the pressure on myself to make the beat. I’m more than comfortable to make music on my own and some of my best work is when Iv’e had a shit day. Also the greenery and lilo’s lebanese grill play a part too.

What projects have you been working on this year or that are forthcoming?

Myself and Jamal (Don Leisure) have just released our second e.p under the name Darkhouse Fam on music/art label earnest endeavours. It features Om/Mas Keith from the might Sa-Ra on vocals, and our s.f connect b.bravo playing synthesizer/vocoder on a track. We also have our good friend /vocalist Vanity Jay on vocal duties too. she is gonna be making a name this year, she is also featuring on my Sophomore album out later this year called ‘Caviar Crackle’. Caviar Crackle is in mix-down stage now so thats gonna be out pretty soon. features on the album include Action Bronson Qddisee Von Pea Dubbledge Marv Won and a lot of other amazing artist…keep posted : www.associatedminds.com It’s gonna be a concoction of styles that i have been inspired by over the last 5 years. It has plenty of hip hop on there but also has some electronica/instrumental music as well as some funk/boogie inspired stuff.

What is your writing process?

Usually in this order…

herbs

drums

samples/synths

herbs

munchies

holler at a vocalist/rapper

herbs

arrange

herbs

play it at the club…all in one night ha.

How easily do you get seduced to buy new gear? What new kit are you looking for?

I’ve learnt to control myself as of late. but the last thing i bought was about 2 months ago and it was an old Roland jv1080 synth..just for some of them good old stock sounds you hear mostly in 90′s music. My friend has recently give me a dx7 keyboard too which is dope.

What is your set up?

A ton of records, yamaha rs7000 sampler, Reason 6, Adam a7 speakers, Roland jv1080, Emu mo phatt, 2 turntables, loads of percussion, midi keyboards and loadsa soft synths.

Fav rapper?

Toss up between Doom and Ghostface

Fav producer?

Jay dee (dilla)

Fav album?

Ironman gfk

Builders or green? What’s that all about ha…

Big thankyou to Mayor @Associated Minds for hooking the Quickfires and to Dubbledge and Metabeats for giving the time. If you would like to buy the Eyeseeyou tune please hit the link below.

I featured a track called Eyeseeyou on the last Podcast:  http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/moyma-podcast/id411896142 I felt I needed to give it some more love to this tune for the effort, work and quality of the video and track.

So first check the vid and then meet Dubbledge…Quick Fire style.

How did the EyeSeeYou Track come about…how did you end up writing the lyrics..was it a specific situation? Yer Blame Mr Metabeats he called the beat I see you, then the tune starts with ‘they won’t see you’ and the same day i walked into a posh shop and security got on the radio talking about IC3′s and following us – the tune almost made itself

How did you connect with Associated Minds? I can’t even remember tbh I think in a random act of kindness I saw how skinny they all were and brought them a banana each, the bond just grew from there coz monkeys really appreciate bananas especially skinny ones…Nah I think it was cargos but not sure I may have met Rufstyles 1st actually.

How would you describe your music? personal, edutaining, funny, offensive, a bit nuts and a bit esoteric.

What was your first exposure to Hiphop? Wow, probably the clothes before the actual music them big baggy ones and trainers with fat laces  Then my mate played me public enemy infact since PE were my 1st exposure thats prob why I feel like good music should have a message. Fight the power! As a wise man once said over a dutty big beat whilst standing next to a nutter with a clock.

Who got you into rhyming? The 1st time I tried I could do it, always freestyle though, I  never wrote anything down for years. I like it when things are easy and rhyming came ez so i kept it up.

Who is your main influence as an artist? Classic Nas and Rakim.

What do you class as ‘good’ Hiphop music? Classic Nas and Rakim and Armlegga.

What projects have you been working on this year or that are forthcoming? Take your trainers and socks off. Now look at your feet (hope u creamed them hairy beasts) now stare at them from the pinky to the big digits coz that’s wot u can expect from me this year Ten Toes Down!!! It’s all produced by Chemo aka Telemachus and Ten Toes Down is a cocoa butter creamed non dry footed monster on some synth’d up deep bass melody driven special $hit.

What is your writing process? Aint got one. Some are born in the shower some are born on the toilet some are born in the car. Some are written down and some are repeated and added too till their memorised. And some others are written in the studio or just semi written and freestyled. It’s whatever but if i get a concept idea I tend to hit the net or books and research a bit to make sure I ain’t talking waffle so I can back up my thoughts.

Favourite rhyme scheme? Aint got one.  I’ve heard of multiple syllables and stuff but ain’t got a clue really, I just rap organically I s’pose however it flows depends on the beat. I’ll naturally add extra words and change the patterns if I’m doing the same verse on a different beat so the scheme depends on the moment.

Fav rapper? Ain’t got one. None of us are consistent enough to always favourite. I might hear jayz and think yer big then hear a next tune and think nah shit.Maybe I’m fickle.

Fav album? Ooohhhh Illmatic & Doggystyle.

Builders or green? Wots builders? Is that Brew? Well back In The day would have had to have been green but skunk got me para and Sess got me lazy so it’s gotta be the builders.

Fav music venue? Jazz cafe. Luv the vibe and sound in there and got all sorts of good memory’s from that spot… Some real good memories (sly grin)

Fav food spot? my ladies mum. Ten toes down two thumbs up her cooking has messed up the restaurant experience for me coz they ain’t on the same par. Seriously.

Breast or thigh? Oooh I luv the whole chicken.

What music are you listening to at the moment? The iPhones been playing Mostly random fela kuti and Frank ocean bits. Feeling the roots album thou that’s sick.

Funeral Song? What funeral??? I’m gonna ascend like Enoch, riding a whirlwind with angels on the percussion and aliens on the Beatbox.

For more stuff Dubblege related hit up: http://dubbledge.com/

To cop EyeSeeyou on Bandcamp click the image below.

Next week, Quick Fire With Eyeseeyou producer Metabeats.

The official release of podcast is now out on itunes. This version is has a new bit slotted in, this sexy cover by Mayor from http://www.associatedminds.com/ and all the tunes are track marked so you can jump around the mix as you please. If you haven’t checked this mix, ya stoopid. It has some funky head nodd ish that you will need to get ya Spring time fully bumping.

Click on the image below to go straight to itunes BUT…the pod wont come up unless you ‘REFRESH’ in your itunes player within the podcast section! This will then start downloading the new mix…so hit that refresh badbwoy ish pleeezz and you need to subscribe ennit!

I have had some nice feedback from these pods but I have one request.

These pods are all delivered to you with care, consideration and they are all free so show some love…

…errr ummm thass not what I meant. Just some comment love please. If you go to your itunes player and hit the ‘store’ and type ‘Moyma.’ The podcast will come up and then you can leave a comment. I put time into creating these and just want to get it out to peeps, so please show ya boy some love…

…big kiss xxx

You can also get the mix from Associated Minds Mixcloud. Click image below to jump there. It is worth a check as they have other mixes worth a listen.

More shizzl soon…peace!

Tracklist

When the winter comes – Damu the Fudgemunk , Moyma re-edit (Redifintion Records LLC)

Deception – Blackalicious (Quannum Projects)

Mr. Muthaf*ckin Exquire – Mau Mau ft. Matthew Ragazino

One Time – The Roots (Island Def Jam Music Group)

Intro – Nottz ft Travis Barker (Raw Koncept)

Listen – Homeboy Sandman (Boy Sand Industries)

Get Busy – Marco Polo, F_Copywrite (Soulspazm)

Microphone Mathematics – Quasimoto (Stones Throw)

Uh – Baritone Brothas (Grimey Toof)

How Many MCs.. – Black Moon (Nervous Inc)

Afro Puffs – The Lady of Rage (Death Row Records)

I Wonder – Reef the lost Cauze (Well Done Entertainment)

C.R.E.A.M. – Wu Tang Clan (Sony BMG Music)

Ownma Mind – Thad Reid (Blue Collar Muzik)

Ghetto Rock – Mos Def (Geffen Records)

Beauty – Edan (Lewis Recordings)

You’re Gone – feat. Talib Kweli, Colin Munroe & Lil Fame (Showoff Records/Duck Down Music Inc)

EyeSeeyou – Dubbledge (Hidden Agenda)

Someone’s Pocket – Soul Khan

Stakes is High – De La Soul (Tommy Boy Records)

Real Hiphop – Juice (Molemen Records)

For The Record – Torae (Internal Affairs. //Soulspazm)

Theology of War – Rasheed Chappell ft. Mishal Moore (Kay – Dee Records)

What’s Going On – Eric B & Rakim  (UMG Recordings)

Ain’t no Half Steppin’ – Big Daddy Kane (Cold Chilling Records)

No Need For Alarm – Del the Funky Homosapien (Elektra)

Ghetto – Ghostface Killah (The Island Def Jam Music Group)

Pandemonium – The Pharcyde (Delicious Vinyl)

Ain No Future in Yo Frontin – MC Breed & DFC

U & Me & Everyone we know – Jean Grae

This mix was a collab between myself and label manager Mayor from Associated Minds. He sent over a load of beats and I used most of them and added a few I thought would mix well. It was risky as he could have sent me a load of stuff I just wasn’t feeling but I liked pretty much everything he sent. He can dj for me next time I have to do a Hiphop set.

The intro is When the winter comes – Damu the Fudgemunk. It is cut up with samples scratched and arranged around the Mircophone Mathemtaics theme, it took long so please enjoy. I would usually have the theme/title of the mix from a sample I already have in mind so that I dont have to spend two years looking for ish. Well this time Mayor had the title and I had to go looking for samples but I managed to craft something.

The mix ended up being very head noddy and the mix has quite a few tunes that are kinda emo especially the last tune by Jean Grae. That tune in particular was sent by Mayor, great tune and although I wouldn’t have chose it I am glad he sent it over, she always kills it.

I know some youngs and people with sensitive ears check the podcast so I have tried to play clean edits but you have been warned!

If you want the itunes version it will have every track marked it will go live this week other wise click the image below and enjoy. Please do subscribe: http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/moyma-podcast/id411896142

Peace.

I am in the corridor looking the script that I am soon to perform to a camera. The theatrical sands of time were against me and I am really struggling to hold my nerve.

Just to point out here. Not at any point did I think about the people who were going to be sent the footage in the States, my mission was literally to get through it without crumbling and stay as clear headed as possible.

Nothing is going in my head as I read and the casting director turns up and introduces herself. She is sweet and friendly to me and engages in conversation but my mind is preoccupied with the fact I have lines to learn and I cant remember my own telephone number sometimes. I think she sensed my anxiety and after asking me if i needed a drink she leaves. It would have been more helpful if she had asked if I wanted a back massage and 4 pints of lager.

I am trying to recite my lines without the whole office hearing it and then…yep, you guessed it…Richard the Mofo Macbeth – Mr Actor from the toilet turns up.

So he was an actor and once we both realise we are going for the same role he looks at me with an air of competition and victory. This geezer looks like an actor and I look like a yoot off the street. I was wearing the usual – shirt, jeans and cap. I feel like kicking him in the codpiece but refrain as I have work to do.

Just on a side note…I was asked recently why I have so many checkered shirts. I bought a couple and while my Mum was on holiday in the States she brought back a truck load for me without my prompting. I told her the amount she had bought me was a bit over the top. Her response…’maybe you could become a cowboy.’ Haha very funny.

20 mins goes like 5 and it felt I wasn’t going remember anymore from the script…it was wing it time. Bob calls me into the torcher chamber.

He goes through the basics again and reminds me to not look at the camera at any point. The camera is to the side of me and Bob is directly in front of me, I try not to drift into the land of ‘what the hec am I doing here?’ and we go for a take.

Take 1

Bob starts the dialogue and I come in…this was my moment of truth. I could practice keeping my mind clear and prove to myself that I wont flake…I look at Bob and burst out laughing. Bob graciously says ‘lets try again’ and I ungraciously blame him for smiling. He again graciously points to script where it says his character smiles. Nice, this is going well.

Take 2

Bob starts…and…I first look at the camera and then go into the most intense over acting known to man, I find a veiled way of looking at the script, pause…look the camera again…and then do more intense acting. This is going even better than I had thought.

Take 3

Bob starts and as I come in with my lines I felt a white haze fall over my head. I was no longer in the room and a brain dead zombie had taken over my body and was reciting the recently half learnt lines. The look on my face was kinda like – ‘the lights were on but no one was home.’ I think no one was home and the lights were off too.

Bob senses my struggle and gives me some pointers. Bob: ‘Try and look at me while I am saying my lines and listen to what I say, it looks like you are concentrating on remembering your lines and not interacting with the dialogue. You can see it in your eyes, you look glazed over.’ Yeh? Really? No sh*t Sherlock, this whole scenario is like kryptonite. I have a camera pointing at me which may as well be an AK47, Richie the Macbeth is out in the corridor reciting sonnets while grabbing his Shakespearean cod piece and barking ‘woof,’ while he learns his lines and hopes I fail. I am having to remember lines I have been given 20 minutes ago…and I have to do an accent, yeh thats right. I didn’t mention that bloody curve ball. You aint getting that story unless you buy me dinner. Let me point out here, Bob was amazing, he got me through this and I am in no way dissing him. I felt at ease and was able to not pass-out because of him. Respect to the Bob.

This acting ish is hard. To suspend disbelief in the audience you have to suspend disbelief in your own mind. I know, I know, you’re thinking that is obvious. Yeh? well you try it. Go down to your local police station, walk in and pretend to be a French man who has lost their dog, see if you can convince them. If you can…Il buy you dinner!

So Bob coaches me very effectively and we go for another take.

Take 4

This time I dont look at the script at all I just do what I think works and just get through it. I cant say it was amazing and although I didn’t crumble and my head wasn’t totally clear, I did the best I could and didn’t fall into a heap convulsing and frothing at the mouth.

The last ordeal was the slates – a front shot and two side profiles. I hated this bit as much as the other stuff. I know I am no oil painting and in fact a Granny kindly told me recently that she thought I had a voice for T.V. but it was a shame as I have a face for radio. Thanks granny. If I ever see her down the bingo hall, while she is preoccupied with number crunching, I will tie her Clarks’ shoes laces together. See how her hip replacement deals wid dem apples So after the slates we are done. Bob doesn’t really give much away as to how bad I was but I was just glad it was over.

So the moral of this story? Always carry a pen? A codpiece makes you a real actor? Shout woof like Rik Mayall in Blackadder to intimidate competition? or face your fears? I guess you will have to work that one out but I would go for the last one. I don’t have it locked down but you have to start somewhere innit. I wrote all this to entertain but hopefully you will take a punt on something…or someone?

The twist in this tale is…somehow…and God only knows how…I got shortlisted for the film, what happens next is irrelevant I aint trying to hit the big screen. The point of my mission was accomplished. Job done.

OK Nuff chit-chat as this is turning into Trisha, music coming soon. Hiphop Podcast with @ http://www.associatedminds.com/

thankyou for tuning in. pz

I met a guy called Bob. Bob was a cool guy and we got on and became friends. Bob worked in a casting agency and out of the blue asked if I wanted to audition for a role in a film. I hate cameras and this sort of situation gets my goat. So I agreed to do it. If you want the full story – http://www.moyma.co.uk/site/2012/01/moyma-goes-to-hollywood-pt-1/

One of the reasons I did this is to combat my anxiety and try and develop clear thinking in situations I hate. One day maybe il get married, that will really put it to the test hey.

We all get anxious once in a while and it effects us all in different ways. People experience feelings of anxiety before important events such as a big exam, business presentation, or public speaking. Tormented by panic attacks, obsessive thoughts, flashbacks of traumatic events, nightmares, or countless frightening physical symptoms, some people with anxiety disorders even become housebound. Anxiety wrecks homes children. I actually don’t mean to make light of this subject, this is classed as mental illness and can be severe.

I am pretty good at hiding it when I am bricking it and when i first started djing I used to just phase out when things were going wrong on stage, my mind just went blank. It used to happen all the time but the more I djayed it became less and less. I still get it now and then on stage and it is all bout controlling your head, get ya Zen on or something. Anyway…I knew this would do my head in totally and so I had to test myself.

Bob lets me know where their office is and when to get their and its on. Ok, by this point I am bricking it. I have that tight feeling in my gut which I am told can be controlled by breathing…dude I tried ya Pranayana and every other breathing technique it still doesn’t get rid of it for me. I slept for a about 4 hours that night, which, to a guy who thanks the heavens if he gets an hour it was actually not a bad nights sleep but I wasn’t rested.

I even checked Youtube for tips on auditions.

This clip was particularly unhelpful and a complete waste of my time and energy. I actually felt my anxiety rise as I watched it. I think the thoughts in my head were…’sh*t, I am really on my own on this one, even the God of Youtube cant help me.’ I had no resume, no photos, no experience, I dress like a west coast gangsta, I wasnt getting the lines until the day and…I ended up forgetting my pen.

The train journey was long and the effects of the bitter pill I had swallowed were kicking in – ‘I am going to have to act in front of a camera…in front of someone…and somehow remember lines…lines that I havnt been given to me…but will..unkindly…be given to me on…THE BLOODY DAY!!!” Thoughts like these are classed as negative so I tried to douse the flames with that classic thing called…perspective. ‘It wont take long…just keep a clear head and do your best…dont worry about the fact you have zero acting skills and the whole casting agency will laugh at your audition…’ No one said this technique is perfect. The mind is very powerful thing and reigning in your thoughts is no small feat.

I was almost late…but I make it and I am warmly welcomed by Bob who shows me to the torcher chamber. I swiftly ask to use the toilet as the ‘bricks’ I have been collecting in my briefs are enough to build a house. I bump into a guy in the toilets who dare I say it looked like an actor, the geezer reeked of Richard III and Macbeth.

I walk to back to the torcher chamber and just cleared my mind of any thoughts.

Bob talks me through what is going to happen. He would be reading the other part in the script and my job was to try not to look down at the paper and deliver my lines – act. The torcher chamber is made up of a video camera and I am given the script. I look through it and its long, it is a full conversation…I swallow hard and look at Bob. Bob says to me, ‘You have 20 mins to go through the script in the corridor then I will call you in…’

To Be Contiuned.

For the first blog of the year I thought I would tell you a little story bout something that happened to me recently.

So I meet this guy, he is the boyfriend of my mates friend, my mate lives with his girlfriend, he is the boyfriend of my mates flatmate…got it? To protect his identity I am going to call him Bob. Bob is a cool guy, I get on with Bob – same taste in comedy, film and sarcasm. Yeh you can have a taste in sarcasm. We were thrown together on an excursion to a street party in the city. We lost our female slave drivers and were sitting outside the venue bitching about city life and the peanuts you meet. Just as we were talking two lads from the north perched in front of us on the unfortunately public bench. They were wide-eyed and filled with an enthusiasm for city life we had both lost years ago and they landed on us just as we were bitching. They eagerly introduced themselves to us, one of them even had a woofer horn. The timing was hilarious. Jokes aside they were cool guys, very enthusiastic but nice for def.

The kid below is displaying a seriously dubious technique…for a horn blower.

So me and Bob click. We stay in contact and continue our bromance. We arrange to hook in the big smoke again and a week before the meeting Bob mails me about hooking up. All good..he then drops a question…

‘…do you fancy auditioning for a film???’

I was like huh? Ok lets stop there. Bob is not so familiar with what I am like and my life long allergy to cameras and anything lense related. I do have pics on my site but I dont like having pics taken…I hate video cams even more and I also have no acting experience, zero!! I used to get dragged to ‘drama club’ when I was a kid. Basically, I got made to go as my best mates Gran used to run it. She wasn’t your usual Granny, she looked about 15 years younger than her actual age and she wore trainers. Myself and my best buddy would basically go along and cause trouble for the whole time while they did ‘drama stuff.’ That is my training in dramatics.

So back to Bob. He works for a casting agency in London, apparently a big one. He tells me my lack of acting experience is no problem as he has shown my picture to his director (I remember thinking at the time…where did he get my pic from? err my site maybe?!…derrr) and she said it was ok for me to audition. He also lets me know he cant tell me anything about the role but that the the film is going to be a Hollywood blockbuster and so I just had to rock up and find out about it on the day. It was getting better and better…not.

I have no urge to be an actor and being in a film would be a nightmare so did I want to do this to myself? It sounded like a humiliating experience, one that would press all the buttons I didn’t want pressed…so I agreed to do it. The audition was in a week.

To be continued.

tuned in,

purchased,

downloaded,

re-tweeted,

blogged,

and supported.

This year was a great year but a tough one so I will end with the final words from Walter White…’i won.’